I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war. – George W. Bush

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. – Martin Mull

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. – Peter De Vries

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. – Jack Handey

If my father had hugged me even once, I’d be an accountant right now. – Ray Romano

Sometimes they’ll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I’ll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message. – Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. – Homer Simpson


Source: In House